The Advice from A Dad Which Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to talk amongst men, who still internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - going on a couple of days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."